I was warned when I started taking the medication that there was going to be a wall that I might run into. I was told that there would be a point that I might feel worse before I start feeling better again. All it took was seeing him outside my house to drive me to feel like this. The numb feeling has taken over, and I am scared that it won’t end. I am scared that I will be stuck in this hamster wheel and the pills won’t work again.
I guess that is the thing with anxiety, it waits for no man. It infects you and takes over. It feels like someone is constantly standing on your chest and that the weight will never be lifted. I feel constricted and restrained. Like every breath that I take is a new effort.
The doctor told me that more people see a doctor for anxiety than for any other illness. Somehow, knowing that made me worse. Knowing that there are so many other people like me out there, struggling, not able to get the help that they need, relying on medication, that broke my heart.