Anxiety

The cloud has come back. The one that sits in my brain and makes it impossible for me to think straight. I get frustrated with not being able to keep my thoughts in line which means that I then tend to get wild mood swings. So I am the absolute life of the fucking party.

I don’t know where the vibrant and carefree person that I was has even gone anymore. I have no idea how to make this stop. I feel like I am living my life on the edge of boiling over; I can’t say that this is a feeling that I deal well with.

I have spent the past 48 hours feeling like I can’t breathe. I drove along the beaches for 2 hours I would park up and watch the waves and every time I felt like I was going to cry I would start the car and drive to the next beach. It took 8 beaches before I drove home today. 2 hours, 8 beaches and I still managed to shed some tears.

Then I went home and lay in bed staring at the ceiling until I felt comfortable enough to get up and face the world. I might have faced it with tequila, but I got out of bed, I put on a feel good movie and I sat somewhere outside of my room.

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