Only thing I ever think about

There are moments. Moments that I forget that the last six months ever happened, that I lost everyone around me. Then there are moments that I remember all at once. That the flashbacks double me over in pain. The pain of losing you hits me all at once. Someone said that it comes in waves; they weren’t wrong. It feels like drowning. Sometimes I feel like if I stop I will drown myself in an ocean of grief so I keep this act up.


What if I feel this way for the rest of my life? Like I am walking through a god damn grey cloud that is attached to me. And I can’t get rid of it. Friends can break your heart too. I miss you, it’s like a goddamn hurricane hitting me. And I just want my best friend back.
How is it you never noticed you were never fucking killing me. That what you were doing never destroyed me, Can you just hold me. Let me never think that this could happen.


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