He bites his lips as he looks me up and down. Suddenly I feel like I am making a mistake. Not the kind that you will regret in the morning but the kind that you traipse into with fear and excitement. He motions for me to move closer to him on the bed. I comply, our legs slightly touching. He lets the tips of his fingers drag along my arm and up to my face before he grips the back of my head tightly and kisses me. There is an element of pain in the way that he holds me but I don’t stop him. The pain is good. With his other hand he pulls my hair out of its messy bun and lets it fall over my face. I move, straddling his waist and kiss him back as hard as he is kissing me. He grabs my hair tightly and pulls my head back giving him access to my neck so he can leave a trail of light kisses down it. He begins to get rough, pushing me off him and pulling my top over my head. He rolls me onto my side and runs his hand down my hip until he gets my leg, all the while still kissing my neck. His touch is rough and painful and it is turning me on like nothing else and soaking my panties. He pushes me flat on my back and uses his hands to pin me down so he has full access to my body. I wrap my legs around his waist as he roughly pinches my nipple causing a shallow gasp to escape from my lips. He releases me only long enough to peel my skirt and panties down in one hit. I lay and watch him as he takes his pants off catching my breath. He is a little bit beautiful. Not in the way that I go for but in a forceful male kind of way which I guess he is. He says nothing as he climbs back onto the bed and once again pins me down. He pushes himself into me in one go causing me to lose my breath. And as he fucks me I realise that I am also loosing myself.
Once he finishes he pulls out slowly without looking at me starts to get dressed again. I hastily pull my top back over my head and wait for him to finish. He turns to look at me and once I see his face I know that it is going to be a one-time thing even though this man made me completely breathless he wouldn’t be the kind to stick around even if it was just to fuck me again.
“Can I uh get you some water or something?” He asks. I just nod and watch as he leaves. When he comes back he doesn’t say much he just turns off his music and climbs into the bed very careful not to touch me. I like this side of myself that I have found. The side that can fuck with no feelings and no mental attachment involved. I fall asleep easily and alone, but it’s okay, I like it that way.
The morning light drifts easily across my face, it pools in irregular patterns across the room from the slight gaps between the curtains. I open my eyes slowly, allowing them to adjust to the light. My mind forgets where I am for a moment; I sit up in a fright. There he is still lying next to me, the school teacher who showed me the true value of a feelingless fuck. I don’t want to wait for him to wake up but part of me has to. I don’t really have much of an idea where the hell I am and my phone is nearly dead. I put my clothes back on and head to the bathroom to clean myself up.
The person that I can see in the mirror barely looks like me. I have dark circles under my eyes, from lack of sleep and some light hickeys on my neck. My eyes look empty which I guess they are. I don’t know what to think of myself or even if I like it. I shake it off and go back to the bedroom where he is waking up.
“Hey” I say quietly not quite sure what else to do. He smiles at least.
“You want a ride home?” He asks. I just nod.
He climbs out of bed and pulls on some clothes. I direct him to Emily’s house. We don’t talk much in the car, which is good – it gives me time to think. As we pull up to the house I don’t quite know what to say to him. I just give him a solid look, force a smile and say goodbye. And that’s it. I feel empty and numb and somehow exhilarated all at the same time.