Loneliness

Loneliness. I have never really felt it till now. I know why, I am always leading a boy along. I have a bad habit of stringing people along because I need someone there for me. I haven’t really been single since I was sixteen, I always had someone on the go. And now I don’t want to touch a relationship and I am really feeling the result of that. I guess I am not really alone, I have my friends but it still feels like I am in this by myself. This being that stupid thing we call life. It is killing me but I have to keep surviving it. I have to keep waking up in the morning alone and decide if I enjoy it or not. Part of me is not and the rest of me just want’s someone to hold me so that all of the broken pieces are held back together. So instead I will keep having sex with boys so I feel close to someone for ten minutes. That is life I guess.

It kills me, but there it is.

I am lonely.

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8 thoughts on “Loneliness

  1. Enjoy the freedom while it lasts. Gives you a chance to take stock of things & re-arrange life the way YOU want it πŸ˜‰

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  2. I’m experiencing loneliness for other reasons (Though I’m not having random sex with guys…maybe that’s my problem! πŸ˜› Just kidding…), but I think on some level that no one ever REALLY gets us, do they? I mean on some level, we can only be our own soul-mates. I think we have an inherent need to connect to people, but it’s for the greater goal of sharing ourselves with another – which is what we all ultimately want, right?

    I’m rambling, but I think what you’re saying is very relevant. Have you considered maybe just looking for someone and making the decision to not have sex until you and he know each other as friends first? I dunno…that’s such a short sighted and ideological answer, but maybe on some level that’s what will work.

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      • Close Friends willing to have a no-strings attached situation? That’s not horrible by some people’s standards. Granted there are those that think their morals should be the standard, but as long as you are safe, then life should be on your terms, right?

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  3. Reading this, I almost felt like I wrote it. This is amazing, although I don’t think it’s meant to be. I can relate to you completely. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

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